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Pentru inceput am sa spun ca acesta va fi un post inutil, nu voi vorbi despre lucruri care sa iti schimbe viata sau perceptia asupra ei in vre-un fel pentru ca orice as scrie aici a mai fost spus sau gandit de milioane de oameni inaintea ta si a mea, asa ca daca iti doresti ceva mai bun de facut poti sa gasesti alte lucruri mult mai importante pentru ca a-ti pierde timpul este cel mai mare pacat fata de suflet. Pentru a intelege de ce acest post nu va rezolva nimic, voi spune ca vreau sa vorbesc despre timp. “Daca nu as fi intrebat ce e timpul as sti totul iar daca as fi intrebat, nu as sti nimic.”(Confesiile Sf. Augustin). Timpul este la fel de real ca aerul si ca inorogii. Pentru ca pana la urma ce este realitatea? Nu e tot incercarea noastra de a ne integra in “ceva-ul” mai mare decat noi? Sute de ani, milenii de intrebari si mii de filosofi nu au putut sa inteleaga sau sa zgarie macar suprafata mastii care tine ascunsa adevarata fata a timpului. Este oare o iluzie? o modalitate prin care incercam noi oamenii sa dam sens lumii in care traim? Este la urma urmei absolut normal ca timpul sa fie atat de incomprehensibil. Grecii spuneau ca timpul s-a nascut din haosul primordial… daca timpul este nascut din haos, oare el la randul lui nu este tot haos? Viata este haos? Pentru ca intreaga existenta este dictata de timp si de felul in care el trece. M-am gandit in continu la lucrurile pe care le-am avut, la persoanele pe care le cunosc si la felul in care eram perceput de ele si cum le percepeam eu la randul meu, cu toate acestea in calcul mi-am dat seama cat de vulnerabila este lumea in care traim si cat de sensibila este fundatia unei intregi lumi. Prietenie, iubire, chiar si lucruri, care acum au trecut, fara sa faca fata trecerii timpului, care s-au schimbat, pentru ca ceva, odata creat nu are alta destinatie si alt obiectiv final decat sa se piarda si sa dispara. Singura alinare ca ca ne mai putem refugia inapoi in timp, in mintea noastra, in amintiri. E dureros sa traiesti intr-o lume a timpului, in care stii ca totul e trecator, in care trebuie sa inveti ce inseamna moartea si ca in final si tu vei cunoaste pe propria piele cum e sa mori. Timp… timpul… toata lumea stie ce inseamna, toata lumea il cunoaste… fie ca o adiere de primavara care trece calda si calma si ne mangaie blajin fetele…. ori ca o furtuna care ne surzeste si ne loveste in fata cu bucati mari si reci de gheata. Pentru ca totul e relativ, nu inseamna neaparat ca putem avea cea ce ne dorim, ba chiar de mule ori tot ce primim e e exact opusul… luand in considerare tot ce stim despre lumea asta….toate intrebarile pe care le avem… parca una e mai presus de toate… “DE CE?” de ce facem toate astea? de ce continuam in fiecare zi? desi stim ca in final mare parte din ce facem va fi uitat si in final si noi vom fi uitati…. singurul raspuns care ar face fata unei asemena intrebari si pe care il putem da este foarte simplu… “DE CE NU?” pentru ca in final nu conteaza decat cum ai trecut prin timp…

God damn it! the previous post was depressed :”> I want to add that even though i was hurt by some persons I love, I could never stop loving them :)… this being said, if you are reading this and ever heard me saying that I love you, trust me… I still do, no matter what.

As i tend to say “life sucks and then you die”, and I for one think that this is a great thing, at least for the dyin’ part. Imagine how damn stupid it would be to live in this world forever. Good God! when every thing that you try to do, every single gesture…… word, blows out in your face, may it be by misinterpretation or just plain intended harm. People are lying everywhere and at anytime, and talking about feelings that just change like the weather, God damn… I’m wondering how i made it this far without doing something ridiculously stupid and uncontrolled. I’ve got one thing to say… FINE (which is a censoring word for FUCK YOU), I realized that it is way beyond stupid, to try to “play” someone else than who you are just to please or to impress somebody, and now that i think of it it’s just plain pathetic. I have met some people which consider that the character of a person is that which is displayed twords other. Well… what i consider to be the character that defines a man are the things that he tries to hide the most, the things that capture his deepest thoughts and feelings. For all that i know, only an insane person can actually be 100% sincere, a person that has no regard twords hurting someone, saying things that are unapropriate or painful, but that’s just me :-J. In order to get along with my pretty list of things that i think that blow in this world i will talk about the never ending change of the so called “love” feeling. This is the thing that eludes me the most, whilst love is everywhere, and its perfectly understandable when talking about a mother’s love or a friendly love between two persons or any kind of love except…. EXCEPT the one between a man and a woman, the kind where they fall in love. I’ll be damned if there is anything more uncertain than that. As i’ve went through life i have felt love, the kind that “makes mountains move and makes days fly like seconds ” and the more important (‘couse that’s what’s left for you to indulge into, at the end)…. the same kind that rips you apart and makes you wish you were never born. I can not say that i do not enjoy being in love, it’s the greatest thing that i will probably feel in my entire lifetime, but you can not dismiss that it’s the most painful and tearing feeling that anyone has ever laid their heart upon. The sole problem with love is in the concept itself, two persons, that feel the same thing and care of one another and do anything in their power to make the other happy. I dare not think another moment at the brutal collapse of one’s whole world when the significant other, the person more important than life itself, decides that “the love is gone” (stupid song). The word to describe the sensation created by the significant other at those words…. well… that clearly does not exist. I truly beg of those that care not to hurt themself to avoid such things as love. As we all know that all is “until next time” and “this time, it’s special” , i only suggest that for the next time: be more careful, and do not let the feelings cloud your judgement to much, fore one moment of cold hard judgement will spare you of endless moments of pain.

With much love and sympathy to those that feel completely torn apart by their much significant other

“Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas” (Paula Poundstone). As kids we know that if we can imagine something, than we can make it happen. We know that if we want something, than it’s our own decisions and wishes that make the dreams turn in to reality. Each choice carries a consequence, for better or for worse, so it’s not destiny that maneuvers our of life, it’s the repercussions of our own decisions, decisions that we make on our choice of attitude.
As Christians we learn that free choice is the greatest gift God gave to his children, a freedom to become and fulfill any desire and dream that one may have. So it is for us to find out that we are only limited by ourselves, that only we are our limit and that we have the power and ability to forge our own destiny. We cannot change our past… We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way, but we have the possibility to shape the outcome of the things that we do today.
If we were to think that everything was preestablished than what would be the use of living on a path that was established before us a long time ago? What would make life so spectacular and interesting? What would make you wake up in the morning if it where not for the surprise of the inevitable and the new beginnings that will dawn on you? I say this : come what ever may, and by this I only understand that everything that will be done I would be the one that made it happen and there will be no regret, for I made the decision.

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved. ( W.J. Bryant)

Vise…. sperante… dorinte… lucruri pe care le avem cu totii si desi cateodata ne fac sa ne simtim mai bine, mai plini de viata si cu sufletul in inalturi de fericire, nimic nu poate sa doara lafel de mult ca atunci cand realizam ca multe nu vor ramane altceva decat cea ce sunt ele defapt… vise,sperante si dorinte. Oricand putem sa fim puternici si sa trecem peste lucrurile astea… sa nu ezitam… sa nu credem ca de data asta va fi diferit, pentru ca in final nu o sa aflam decat ca noi oamenii vrem sa uitam si sa ne peticim sufletele, zgariate de dezamagirile din momentele in care am aflat ca micutele castele de nisip in care traim noi sunt imprastiate si pierdute in spuma, la primul val de realitate. Niciodata nu va dura mai mult decat o bataie de inima ca sa iti pecetluiesti o mie de ganduri spre durere…. o clipa de slabiciune nu deschide decat a doua clipa de durere….